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Live Text Adventure Night 9

Fri May 03, 2013 2:00 am by Alex

Occurrence: Saturday, June 1st

Any volunteers for hosting?


    Live Text Adventure night 2

    Share
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    Alex
    Master of Ceremonies

    Male Posts : 6233
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    Join date : 2010-07-30
    Age : 21
    Location : somwhere
    20120401

    Live Text Adventure night 2

    Post by Alex

    Line-Up:
    Opener: SirPwnington's [title to be announced]
    Main Feature: Hectic's IRCRPG
    Intermission: this spot is open
    Closer: Tateos's Obesity Quest


    Last edited by Tateos on Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:29 am; edited 1 time in total


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    Post on Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:18 am by Kyle

    organization is the key to boredom i mean success
    avatar

    Post on Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:29 am by Alex

    JoN wrote:organization is the key to boredom i mean success

    'ss true, it just gives people an idea of how things may go down so they can join in if they wish
    avatar

    Post on Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:28 am by TITAN

    EDIT: USELESS POST AJ CANT READ FOR SHIT
    avatar

    Post on Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:06 pm by Alex

    where art thou hectic?
    avatar

    Post on Sat Apr 07, 2012 1:31 am by Ptero

    Wherefore art thou, Hectic?
    avatar

    Post on Sat Apr 07, 2012 1:57 am by Alex

    Ptero wrote:Wherefore art thou, Hectic?

    hey brah, why weren't you there?
    Also, it ended up being:
    FEATURETTE 1: Sirpwnington's Get Laughs Or Die Trying
    FEATURETTE 2: Tateos's Ugandan Dicklord
    avatar

    Post on Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:31 am by Alex

    welp, that was fun
    avatar

    Post on Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:45 am by Gnome Child

    Yes, it was! Hopefully more people will be on next time. Here's the log!
    Spoiler:
    [12:28] GET LAUGHS OR DIE TRYING
    [12:28] <@Tateos> No
    [12:28] Chapter 1
    [12:28] * AJfriss slaps SirPwn around a bit with a large trout
    [12:29] You are now a stand-up comedian. What is your name?
    [12:29] <@Tateos> We probably want to do Evangeliquest after Walkinator's mom has definitely gone to bed
    [12:30] <@Tateos> Nicholas Cage
    [12:30] Barack Obama
    [12:30] fuckface
    [12:30] Rooster Visage
    [12:30] <@Tateos> Brett Combukkits
    [12:30] <@Tateos> or, a more regal name: Reginald Cumbukkits III
    [12:31] Your name is Nicholas Reginald Cumbukkits
    [12:31] <@Tateos> Rooster Cage?
    [12:31] err.. I mean Stevette williams
    [12:33] <@Tateos> lmfao
    [12:33] Damn, and I thought I was so clever with the rooster visage=cockface thing
    [12:33] I mean I stole that joke but still
    [12:33] oh well:33
    [12:33] I thought it was funny
    06[12:33] * Walkie-Talkie crapshoots out of his splean
    01[12:33] Wait wait
    [12:33] There was one name that wasn't hilarious
    01[12:33] I thought the name suggestions were over
    [12:33] <@Tateos> they are
    01[12:33] Okay retconning the last part
    [12:33] <@Tateos> we are discussing aftermath
    01[12:34] I mean Iposted that before Walk suggested Stevette williams
    [12:34] <@Tateos> hey sir, where do you download mIRC? I'm probably going to want colors for Evangeliquest
    [12:35] http://www.mirc.com/get.html
    [12:35] So I got fomo to change his name to rooster visage
    [12:36] Your name is Steve Cumbukkits. But for comedic purposes you call yourself Rooster Visage
    [12:36] <@Tateos> danke
    [12:37] As you walk on to the stage you have a random bout of AMNESIA and forget your routine!
    [12:37] oh tiddles
    [12:37] whip out dick
    [12:37] You are going to have to improvise. How do youmake your dramatic entrance?
    [12:38] >whip out the dong
    [12:38] Is that the only suggestion? ._.
    [12:38] it always works
    [12:38] >Whip out the audience's dongs
    [12:38] yes
    [12:38] have a dongbattle
    [12:39] Damn IRC's lagging for me :c
    [12:39] >Make up the cheesiest joke ever
    [12:40] <@Tateos> >Ask what's the deal with airline food while tearing your clothes off, down to your underwear.
    [12:40] <@Tateos> err
    [12:40] .and whip out the big gun
    [12:41] You spout out the cheesiest joke in existence. This joke is so cheesy it has most likely made the whole audience allergic to cheese. You make sure to mention airline food too. After you are finished you say: "Hey! So, how about you all pull out your dicks!"
    [12:41] >slow jerk
    [12:41] <@Tateos> >Talk about your abnormal childhood with your eccentric grandfather, Eugene Baulls Cumbukkits Jr.
    [12:42] <@Tateos> >Audience: Urinate fire
    [12:42] >Some of audience: Comply
    [12:42] The audience is EXTREMELY UNIMPRESSED. If you don't win them over soon, they will most likely POP A CAP IN YO ASS
    [12:43] One guy in the back pulls out his dick and pisses fire.
    [12:43] .whip out the penis and swing it around while jumping like a cowboy
    [12:43] <@Tateos> >NRC: Look accross audience. What group/ethniciity is the majority?
    [12:45] >begin an evengelical christian sermon of death
    [12:46] The crowd seems rather diverse. There seems to be a group of fat people near the back, they are probably the local Fat People Support Group.
    [12:46] <@Tateos> essentially, take in your surroundings. What age group and race make up the greater majority of the audience?
    [12:46] You've never been good at guessing people's ages, but you'd guess most of them are around 20-30 or something like that
    [12:47] <@Tateos> >NRC: "So uh, a skinny guy, a fat guy, and an old guy walk into a bar..."
    [12:48] Steve: :So uh, a skinny guy, a fat guy, and an old guy walk into a bar..."
    [12:48] <@Tateos> NRC: "Uh..."
    [12:48] The crowd looks bored, you better deliver the punchline soon
    [12:49] rape closest small girl
    [12:49] <@Tateos> >NRC: "The old guy snapped in half, the skinny guy starved to death, and the fat guy toppled over and snapped the bar in half."
    [12:50] Steve: The old guy snapped in half, the skinny guy starved to death, and the fat guy toppled over and snapped the bar in half."
    [12:50] <@Tateos> rather, the old guy crumbled into dust
    [12:50] >Then the bartender says: "Hey, Free round on the republican presidential candidates!"
    [12:50] <@Tateos> haha
    [12:50] <@Tateos> AJ's was better
    [12:51] Steve: "Then the bartender says: "Hey, Free round on the republican presidential candidates!"
    [12:52] <@Tateos> Steve: Go back through time to prevent yourself from saying that punchline, and instead say either "Free round on the republican presidential candidates" or "Benjamin Button was immediately hospitalized"
    [12:52] The last part gets a few laughs out of people. The crowd still seems bored though.
    [12:53] You don't know how to travel through time!
    [12:55] I gtg
    02[12:57] * Walkie-Talkie (webchat@ip70-181-22-129.ri.ri.cox.net) Quit (Quit: Web client closed)
    [12:57] <@Tateos> >Steve: "Lighten up audience. You know what my granddad would have said to you?"
    [12:57] <@Tateos> >Steve: "Nothing. He was a gorilla."
    [12:57] <@Tateos> sdfsdfsd
    [12:58] <@Tateos> >Steve: "Pull out your deudly firearms"
    [12:58] You tell the audience to lighten up and make a quip about your granddad
    [12:59] A few more laugh, you're actually not half bad at this!
    [13:00] Suddenly, a random man at the front of the audience jumps on to the stage!
    [13:00] <@Tateos> >Steve: "That last section was my lullabye. Pretty effective, right? I tried telling that whole bit to my grandmother and she actually lapsed into a coma."
    [13:01] <@Tateos> >Steve: "If you get any closer I will pull my pants down and shove you up my anus."
    [13:02] You threaten to shove the man up your anus, but he pulls out a gun!
    [13:03] <@Tateos> >Steve: "I am dead serious. I got my masters degree in Goatse studies."
    [13:04] You continue to threaten him, but he still stands on the other side of the stage with his gun pointed at your head!
    [13:04] >Pull out your own gun. That fires bees.
    [13:05] You try to grab the prop gun out of your pants but he fires his first, there's a loud bang and some smoke coming out of his gun but other than that nothing.
    [13:05] <@Tateos> >Steve: "I know I am irrisistable, but pleas sir, keep your penis in your pants."
    [13:07] ???: "Steve! You were supposed to pretend to get shot so we could start the next skit!
    [13:07] >Not too potent, are we?
    [13:07] ""*
    01[13:07] 3Oh shit, it seems he was part of your forgotten routine!
    [13:07] <@Tateos> Steve: "There is no steve here, only Zuul."
    [13:08] You make a quip about his potency and confuse him by calling yourself Zuul but he just walks off the stage
    [13:08] The crowd seems rather unimpressed again
    [13:09] <@Tateos> >Steve: "What's the difference between a pitbull and an erection?"
    [13:10] You ask the crowd what the difference between a pitbull and an erection is
    [13:10] <@Tateos> Steve: "Lipstick."
    [13:10] Your accomplice, still in the crowd, yells out "What?"
    [13:11] You say: "Lipstick!"
    [13:11] (Oh shit)
    [13:11] The crowd seems rather confused
    [13:11] >Damn! You should have known they wouldn't have gotten the joke, they don't have as extensive a knowledge of dog boners as you do!
    [13:12] You silently curse the audiences lack of dog boner knowledge
    [13:12] <@Tateos> it's the difference between a pitbull and a human erection
    01[13:12] 3And you succeed in confusing yourself
    [13:12] <@Tateos> >"I don't put lipstick on my dog every day."
    [13:14] You tell them you don't put lipstick on your dog everyday
    [13:14] <@Tateos> >Curse your strange red lipstick on penis fetish.
    [13:15] Someone walks out, another seems quite angry with you
    [13:15] <@Tateos> >"What's the difference between a republican candidate and a rock?"
    [13:16] You set up another republican joke, seeing as the last one got a few laughs
    [13:16] <@Tateos> >"A republican candidate isn't fit to be president."
    [13:16] You deliver the punchline. Most of the audience seems to have expected it and seem only slightly amused
    [13:17] One of the fat people whispers into anothers ear and they laugh
    [13:20] <@Tateos> >Steve: "Fall over and play dead. Snap red pen in pocket so as to drain red ink onto stage."
    [13:20] >First, signal to the gun guy in the audience for this, or not. Who knows
    [13:21] You quickly use your red pen to fake your death
    [13:21] The accomplice yells: "Oh, so you start the skit AFTER I make myself look like an idiot?"
    [13:21] He pulls out another gun
    [13:22] This one seems to be real
    [13:24] Okay I suck at this. Do you want to start the main event Tat?
    [13:24] <@Tateos> deficate onto stage so as to calm yourself for the trouble ahead
    [13:24] <@Tateos> also to possibly make it look even more like you're dead
    [13:25] You get up and prepare to take a dump on the stage but he shoots first. The bullet punches you in the chest and sends you back onto the ground, blood pouring from your chest
    [13:25] <@Tateos> it's kinda hard to do something like a stand up comedy text adventure without time for the players to actually think about the jokes
    [13:26] I was trying to emulate how he would feel, coming up with jokes on the spot
    [13:26] It seems you were wearing a bullet-proof vest with a fake-blood pack on it
    [13:27] <@Tateos> >The Audience goes wild. A statue is erected in that man's honor, Streets are named after him.
    [13:27] This seems to all be part of the skit!
    [13:27] <@Tateos> oh dear god
    [13:27] The accomplice walks onto the stage and strips
    [13:28] <@Tateos> >Get up after a couple of minutes and say "Hello everyone, I am the son of god."
    [13:28] END OF CHAPTER ONE.
    [13:29] <@Tateos> okeeydoke
    [13:29] Next time: CHAPTER 2: Easter Jesus Comedy Special Go
    [13:29] <@Tateos> I don't want to do evangeliquest with two people though
    [13:29] 'Kay
    [13:29] <@Tateos> let me see if I can get more
    [13:33] inb4 level is watching ponies
    [13:34] So, any constructive critisicsm on how to make Get Laughs or Die Trying better?
    [13:34] The horrible horrible lesbians that ponies are
    [13:34] Well
    [13:34] <@Tateos> moar chaos
    [13:35] <@Tateos> moar nonsensicality
    [13:35] <@Tateos> moar words that aren't actually words but seem like words
    [13:35] It was sir saying stuff and one other person responding to it with AJ jumping in occasionally
    [13:35] Its the spectrumsplit thread all over again
    [13:35] Oh god it was :c
    [13:36] Also, thanks Tat. I will try to add moar random shit next time!
    [13:36] <@Tateos> YOU go to the BANK, wielding your MASSIVE ERECTION. JIM calls you on his CELL PHONE OF DOOM and HITS YOU WITH HIS CAR
    [13:37] <@Tateos> that is the reason why i can't read spectrumsplit
    [13:37] <@Tateos> and
    [13:37] <@Tateos> I now want to make that a text adventure.
    [13:37] <@Tateos> UGANDAN COCKLORD: Part One
    [13:39] So, the main event is now Ugandan Cocklord? :D
    [13:39] <@Tateos> hold on one sec
    [13:39] <@Tateos> brb
    [13:39] * @Tateos (webchat@ip68-226-93-157.ri.ri.cox.net) Quit (Quit: Web client closed)
    [13:39] I thought that would be the intermisson
    [13:41] you know
    [13:41] the middle slot
    [13:41] thats empty
    [13:42] Yeeh
    [13:45] * Tateos (~Tateos@ip68-226-93-157.ri.ri.cox.net) has joined #hello-operator
    [13:47] * ChanServ sets mode: +o Tateos
    [13:47] <@Tateos> YES
    [13:47] <@Tateos> I CAME
    [13:47] <@Tateos> ADFASDFASD
    [13:47] You came?
    [13:47] <@Tateos> YES
    [13:47] Were we came on? Is this what happened while I was gone?
    [13:47] <@Tateos> test
    [13:47] <@Tateos> rgh
    [13:47] <@Tateos> how do colors
    [13:48] Bluh shitty lag
    [13:48] Write "/k"
    [13:49] <@Tateos> uhh
    [13:49] <@Tateos> ./k and then a message does nothing
    [13:49] <@Tateos> neither does /k and a color and then a message
    [13:49] Oh no wait
    [13:50] ctrl K
    [13:50] Sorry
    [13:50] DERO
    [13:50] *DERP
    [13:50] 2x DERP COMBO
    [13:50] <@Tateos>  Here we go.
    [13:50] <@Tateos>  Red is narraration
    [13:52] 15 yep
    [13:55] <@Tateos> You wake up in a dumpster. You can not remember your name, but you can remember one thing: you are being hunted by the North Korean governement for having the largest penis on the planet. Due to the fact that you have been called Lord of Cock or Large Dickman for the 8 years you have been hunted, you can't quite remember your name. But, as you think harder and harder about it, vague
    [13:56] <@Tateos> memories of people saying your name and you writing your name come through your mind, but they are all fragments. What is your damn name? You don't want to lose your identity. You miss your mother, and hope she's okay. She's been hunted for years as well... Deepest vagina.
    [13:56] <@Tateos> What was that name, think harder Cocklord.
    [13:56] <@Tateos> >_
    [13:57] Joseph Conee
    [13:57] <@Tateos> [user input time]
    [13:57] NO wait
    [13:57] Jesus Conee
    [13:58] <@Tateos> Joseph...
    [14:00] <@Tateos> No, that's not it
    [14:00] <@Tateos> Uhh, Je-
    [14:00] <@Tateos> Jesuph?
    [14:00] <@Tateos> L7 test
    [14:00] <@Tateos> nope
    [14:00] <@Tateos>  No...
    [14:00] <@Tateos> Jesus Conee, that was it! Jesus Stellaercauhk Conee!
    [14:02] <@Tateos> You wonder what has become of your mother, Eve Ahbyssvehgina Conee.
    [14:02] <@Tateos> Outside you hear police sirens.
    [14:02] <@Tateos> "Come out dicklord, you can't hide forever!"
    [14:04] <@Tateos> oops
    [14:04] <@Tateos> Police> "Come out dicklord, you can't hide forever!"
    [14:04] <@Tateos> [orange=thoughts made by Jesus Conee, red=Narraration, pink=dialogue]
    [14:05] <@Tateos> Police> "Did we check the dumpsters yet?"
    [14:05] Is it suggestion time yet?
    [14:06] <@Tateos> Oh god, they've found you. What do you do? You're tangled up in your own penis in an empty dumpster.
    [14:08] <@Tateos> Inside your pants pocket, you have a knife, a cell phone, candy corn, a pile of salt, and urine samples.
    [14:08] <@Tateos> The footsteps are getting closer, what do you do?
    [14:08] <@Tateos> [suggestion]
    [14:08] <@Tateos> [sorry for long intro]
    [14:10] Use your knive to cut a hole in the bottom of the dumpster
    [14:13] <@Tateos> sorry, I got distracted
    [14:14] <@Tateos> You use your knife to try and cut a hole in the bottom of the dumpster
    [14:15] <@Tateos> It fails completely, but the screeching noise scares the shit out of the police. You hear them run off, one of them calling for back up on the radio. You need to get away, and fast. What do you do?
    [14:16] Smash a hole in the dumpster with your dick
    [14:17] ((I Apologise for my crippling not-adhd with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnT7YPVfg5U&t=1m20s))
    [14:19] <@Tateos> You get an erection, thus ripping the dumpster to pieces. The tip of your penis is now at an altitude of 2,187 feet.
    [14:19] >well there goes your hiding
    [14:20] >Is your dick a viable weapon?
    [14:20] <@Tateos> You are now incredibly exposed. You question where you got enough blood for an erection of such proportions.
    [14:21] <@Tateos> Now what?
    [14:22] <@Tateos> Hint: lose the erection
    [14:25] <@Tateos> As you ponder how to lose your erection, you hear police sirens in the distance.
    [14:25] Fuck
    [14:25] I dunno
    [14:25] <@Tateos> But, what's worse, you see a plane flying at about the same altitude as your penis. You could get sucked into the jets!
    [14:26] <@Tateos> In your inventory, there is a dull knife, a pile of salt, candy corn, a cell phone, and a few urine samples.
    [14:27] <@Tateos> There is also a bottle of viagra, and a folder marked "FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY".
    [14:28] Use the viagra
    [14:28] USE IT
    [14:28] Also AJ
    [14:28] WHATTHE FUCK
    [14:28] WAS THAT
    [14:28] I
    [14:28] WHAT
    [14:29] <@Tateos> The sirens are getting closer!
    [14:29] THE VIAGRA
    [14:29] <@Tateos> For some reason, you decide to make your erection last an hour.
    [14:29] Become super saiyan
    [14:30] <@Tateos> You take the whole bottle and you feel your dick becoming harder and harder. The sirens get closer. The plane continues to fly towards your tip.
    [14:31] Become
    [14:31] Super
    [14:31] Saiyan
    [14:31] <@Tateos> The tip of your penis is sucked into the jet engine, thus causing it to crash and you to be pulled up hundreds of feet into the air
    [14:32] <@Tateos> Blood rains from the sky as your lifeless body tumbles down to earth.
    01[14:33] oooookay
    [14:33] <@Tateos> The date was December 21st, 2012.
    [14:33] <@Tateos> Insert coin to restart at last checkpoint.
    [14:33] >Insert Coin
    [14:34] <@Tateos> Kachink! You are the lucky second customer! Please stand by while we spray you with confetti.
    [14:35] brb
    [14:36] <@Tateos> The plane is flying closer at each second, the sirens are getting louder and louder. In your inventory, there is a dull knife, a pile of salt, candy corn, a cell phone, and a few urine samples. There is also a bottle of viagra, and a folder marked "FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY" with a bunch of papers in it.
    [14:38] >Open the emergency folder!
    [14:38] Oh, I thought you said the emergency thing was on the viagra!
    [14:38] I 2nd AJ's command
    [14:40] <@Tateos> You open the emergency folder, and the very first image is a picture of a petrified nun. You vomit all over yourself, your penis become incredibly limp, and it accelerates down to earth.
    [14:42] <@Tateos> Your dick lands on the police car's engine, causing it to explode. It is sent wiggling and flopping back towards you and hits you in the face. You are knocked out, and the last thing you see is a 30 car pile up including all 4 police cars sent as back up.
    [14:42] > Make it land on the cop car
    [14:42] <@Tateos> The last thing you see as you black out is*
    [14:42] Oops ninja's
    [14:42] *d
    [14:44] <@Tateos> You wake up in the morning in some kind of hut. You aren't sure where. Your dick is folded neatly, and compacted well, too-it only takes up a quarter of the room. On the other side of the hut there is a primative kitchen and an old woman cooking stew in a crude iron kettle.
    [14:45] <@Tateos> Shit
    [14:45] <@Tateos> forgot color
    [14:45] <@Tateos> whatever
    [14:45] <@Tateos> What do you do?
    [14:46] Ask the old lady what happened
    [14:46] <@Tateos> [hint: you have a mouth]
    [14:47] <@Tateos> You ask her what happened, and she turns around.
    [14:49] <@Tateos> The first thing you notice about her is that she is lacking a mouth.
    [14:49] <@Tateos> You proceed to play a 2 hour long game of cherades while she explains what occured last night.
    [14:49] <@Tateos> END OF UGANDAN DICKLORD PART ONE
    [14:49] <@Tateos> Ahem.
    [14:49] <@Tateos> END OF UGANDAN DICKLORD PART ONE.
    [14:50] Amazing
    [14:51] <@Tateos> danke, danke
    [14:52] <@Tateos> danke
    [14:52] <@Tateos> dahnke
    [14:52] <@Tateos> donke
    [14:52] <@Tateos> donkeh
    [14:52] <@Tateos> donkay
    [14:52] <@Tateos> donkey
    [14:52] <@Tateos> HOLY GOD
    [14:52] <@Tateos> CONSPIRACY
    avatar

    Post on Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:58 am by Ptero

    Tateos wrote:
    Ptero wrote:Wherefore art thou, Hectic?

    hey brah, why weren't you there?
    Also, it ended up being:
    FEATURETTE 1: Sirpwnington's Get Laughs Or Die Trying
    FEATURETTE 2: Tateos's Ugandan Dicklord

    i don't even know what you guys are talking about

    i think i skipped a few threads

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      Current date/time is Thu Aug 24, 2017 12:06 am